“I still have a little impostor syndrome… It doesn’t go away, that feeling that you shouldn’t take me that seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is.”
-Michelle Obama
Time is a flat circle. Before we know it, we’re reflecting on a life lived full of purpose or regret. Thirty years of zero creative outlets spurned a fire inside in the form of a simple daily journal but sparked a need for more. Game Over Gimmicks was the fire from the spark, which was created two years ago and has become a welcome addition to my life. Last year’s anniversary post celebrated the small things I learned in the first year. The second year afforded a much deeper lesson – enjoy your life, have fun, and screw impostor syndrome.
Move Over Among Us
What is impostor syndrome?
A simple Wikipedia search says, “Impostor syndrome is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.”
I’m proud of my growth as a writer. Every once in a while I go back to my original posts and grimace in disgust, but those early posts were necessary in the growth process. I needed to find my voice and figure out how to properly formulate a cohesive sentence. It’s surprisingly difficult!
Game Over Gimmicks has a ton of wrestling reviews and a few gaming articles, but those aren’t my favorites to write. My traditional blog posts, like It Takes a Village and Reality of Thirty-Three, strip away the writer and give a small glimpse into my personal life. Opening myself up to vulnerability spurns growth, and that’s what I’m proud of. My growth as a writer and human.
Despite saying all of that, I still don’t feel like I’ve earned the title of “writer.” A small voice in my head thinks that because I’ve never earned a dime that disqualifies any title. Who am I to analyze wrestling? Who am I to discuss what I liked and disliked about a video game? There’s no official certification or plaque on my desk. I have zero experience actually inside a wrestling ring. Game Over Gimmicks was exclusively created as a pet project because of a deep-seated love of gaming and wrestling from a young age. What does my voice add to a litany of others doing the same?
No Decay in this Legend
Let’s have a quick detour through a little gaming history. It’s 1998 and the first-person shooter is in its infancy. Long before Call of Duty became the household name it is today for its frenetic first-person shooting, Wolfenstein 3D and Doom brought the genre to the masses in the early 90s. These games were linear corridors filled with big monsters that required a combination of dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge while blasting them back to hell. The story was to survive and kill. Enter Half-Life.
I’m not going to pretend to be a video game historian. This wonderful article explains the significance of Half-Life better than I ever could because I never played it until a month ago. The computer my parents had would never have run a game, so PC exclusives were non-existent to me. I didn’t get to see the revolutionary game that Half-Life was. It took the amazing shooting of Doom and added an immersive story on top of it. It was the first shooter to do this.
And does it hold up after 25 years? Well…not really. That’s why Black Mesa exists! Game developers Crowbar Collective created Black Mesa, a remake of Half-Life 1 with improvements to the outdated systems of a game 25 years old. They kept all the original mechanics and story but improved the graphics, level design, and enemy AI. It’s an amazing experience that I recommend to everyone. It also gave me a game design lesson on Gameplay Loops.
Game Design 101
I’m new to game analysis. Video games have been in my life from a very early age, but actually slowing down to analyze why I like or dislike a game is a novel practice. A game is broken down into many parts — the story, characters, gameplay, mechanics, art design, music, and so much more! Video games are an awesome medium because they can be memorable for a variety of reasons. Let’s revisit Black Mesa.
The core gameplay of Black Mesa is very familiar — shoot and bash your way through a litany of monsters and soldiers until there’s a large story point. This was easy to understand after twenty years of first-person shooters. The immersive storytelling in between those points, not so much.
You have to pay attention in Black Mesa. Non-player characters are constantly talking to you, regardless of whether or not you walk away. You might miss a key clue about where you need to go or what you need to do. The game never directly tells you anything. Observation and context clues are incredibly important in Black Mesa. Talk to everyone and listen to what they have to say.
A lot of gamers call “Bullshit” when they can’t figure out what to do or how to beat a game. I know I have A LOT in the past. I’m not proud of the number of times I’ve rage quit a game or tossed a controller in frustration. Black Mesa taught me an important lesson about game analysis.
What am I missing?
I asked this question a hundred times in Black Mesa, which helped me figure out the puzzles and enemies the game threw at me. I took a deep breath and figured out what to do and where to go. The rules were set by the game and the logical, thinking human needed to adjust; not the game.
Around the Loop, we go!
This past year has taught me a lot of lessons, but none bigger than this: be yourself. I try to do too much and burn myself out because I have envisioned this picture of perfection of where I want to go with writing and Game Over Gimmicks. I do my best and that needs to be enough. Imposter Syndrome likes to creep up now and again, but it’s time to kick that to the curb. Will I have the best game or wrestling analysis ever? Probably not and that’s okay. It’s my analysis and that’s all that matters.
Black Mesa taught me about gameplay loops, but there’s a bigger picture here. I try to be the best husband and puppy parent possible every day, the best writer I can be every week, and reminisce over the past year about my successes and failures. I completed my second annual loop, 104th weekly loop, and 730th daily loop. That’s a lot of experience that I now have. It’s important to remember that when the sneer of an Imposter creeps up.
Thank you to everyone who’s read Game Over Gimmicks this past year! Cheers to year three…and beyond!